The dreaded “C” word

I just talked to dad again. I don’t understand how fast they are getting all this news, I really wish it would take weeks or months before they knew anything. But I know fast is good. She is lucky to be in the hospital she is in with the specialists and drs that are there for her. They know for sure she has lung cancer and the spot on her kidney is cancer as well. The dr said it didn’t look good and he is pretty sure it is malignant. They are worried because there were some spots on her brain (they called them lesions) that are not good looking. My dad is worried because he said she isn’t thinking right and is forgetting things, I don’t know how long that has been going on. That scares the crap out of me. I’ve been really good all day but now I just can’t stop crying. and my sister is pissing me off. Everything is always about her and I want to smack her. She hasn’t called them in over a year and i could go on and on but I will save that rant for another day. I wish I was enrolled in a kick boxing class. I want to hit things. I feel so bad for my dad (step dad) He is now at home all alone. He was very sick when I was younger and I just worry about him being home by himself. Mom keeps sending him home, they have puppies to take care of and she would be so upset if they werent’ taken care of. I’m not even 30 yet its way to young to lose my mom. shes not even 60 i get so angry about this iw ant to hit things and yell and scream and just be a bitch and cry.

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